kevindoris (kevindoris) wrote,

I want to post more.

I have not been writing nearly as much as I have wanted to I want to do more but find myself not writing for whatever reason. It is strange as I really fell like I should be writing it is something I want o do I feel bad about not doing it. I find myself living In Newton which seems strange to me. I moved a few months ago for a very specific reason that I no longer have so I am just her now not knowing what to do. Indeed it is probably the loss of my initial purpose for living in Newton the led to my current melancholy
state that I fell writing will help with. Still it is not just a current desire I have ideas from at least the Eight grade that still linger in my mind.
I have written snippets of my ideas but nothing more I need to more flush out my ideas. I have a belief that I simply need to write down my stories without any concern if if they are great or terrible. Still I think the fear that they will be terrible is what keeps me form writing in the way I want to and feel that I should. I have let fear like this hold me back for a long time. I am not a teacher because I was not accepted in the teaching program of my college and I simply accepted it. I did not fight for what I had wanted and whatever excuses I had at the time all the matters now is I failed in my goal. If I let it I will always let this fear rule my life and I wither away a lost soul having accomplished nothing of value in a meaningless life. I can not let that happen it would be a horrible insult to my late mother. I will form my snippets into something tangible soon be it good or be it dreadful. I also fell like I need to keep a steady updating of notes . I have never kept a journal but feel like I should one day I think I will really want to know what I was feeling at this moment and writing it down will help that memory. My notes will not always be interesting or cover interesting topics but then they are more for me. Still I hope they manage to entertain some people. I may not be a very good person but I still want to do good things. If you read this thank you I really hope you were not bored.
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